The maid of honor just puked.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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