I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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