so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
