I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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