when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
