You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
