I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
