I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
