Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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