So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
