dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
