xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
