so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
