We named our party play list daddy issues
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
