i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
