I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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