sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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