Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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