Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
