I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
