I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize