why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
