you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
