this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
