We're facebook friends in real life
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
