I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
