after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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