It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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