Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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