and i looked up. we had an audience...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
