Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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