I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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