It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
