Grow some girl-balls and come out already
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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