Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
