literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
