pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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