And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wish my penis had a tongue
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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