now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize