dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
