who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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