Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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