He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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