Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
