hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
