gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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