16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
