Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
