I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
