some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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