You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
