I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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