i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
