Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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