his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
