He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
