Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize