So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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