Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
