She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
