This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
