at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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