hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
