I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
